Catwoman

Movie: Catwoman
Watched with: Angelo

We were going to go to the pizza place and play arcade games, but it turned out they closed at midnight not 1 so we were screwed. For reasons to complicated to go into, a pirated copy of Catwoman has been sitting in our living room for a year, so we decided to have at it.

The movie's every bit as bad as has been said, and it's reputation is well-earned. The effects are shitty, she doesn't move like a cat, and the story makes no sense.

But noting those things ignores the real problems. They're quibbling.

What makes Catwoman truly terrible is its bizarre combination of Joel Schumacher style glitz (everything is lit like a third rate Batman Forever--what sexiness Halle Berry has left in that dopey helmet is killed by blue and yellow lights that make her look jaundiced) and slow sloppiness.

The editing on the movie is bizarre. The plot unfolds quickly, but each event happens as slowly and boringly as possible. Chase scenes are random and spastic, but with slow cuts that make you yearn for a hack MTV editor to come in and at least make things exciting.

I was all ready to blame the editor, but it turns out the person in question also edited The Fifth Element and The Professional (damn Frogs), so it's not like s/he is incompetent.

The director (one-named "Pitoff") is a first-timer, so maybe it's his fault.
I dunno.
If you're a regular human, stay away from this, but if you're interested in filmmaking, it's a pretty fascinating case of what not to do.

It's awful, but it's uniquely awful. Bleh and wow.